Drowned
by Tainted-Wings
Summary: Dean Winchester had always been afraid of drowning... He hadn't been able to speak to anyone about those reoccurring nightmares he'd been having. Not even Cas... That is until the angel appears to him. *Some of these chapters might be short, and some might be long. First Destiel fanfiction. Hope you enjoy!* M for later in the story.* (P.S. Reviews are greatly appreciated.)
1. Stone wings don't fly

_**Drowning**_

I do not own any of the characters from Supernatural. The only thing that belongs to me is this fan fiction.

**Warning: This is an AU fan fiction, as well as Slash. (Destiel)***

Stone wings don't fly

Dean Winchester sat at the bar, swirling a dark, alcoholic beverage in his hand and staring into it's color before drinking the glass empty. He was used to this, lonely nights at a bar, drinking until he couldn't think straight and stumbling to a motel before passing out on one of the dusty beds. He'd wake up in the middle of the night under the blankets, frantically looking around in hopes that the being that held those captivating and intense blue eyes would be sitting on the bed with that same concerned look he always had, but it didn't happen that way. Not anymore. Those final words of goodbye rang in the back of his mind forever, how his heart shattered in his chest, turning to dust and coming up his throat to form a dry sob, though not in front of his best friend. No. That showed weakness and Dean wasn't weak, he was strong. So he liked to think, but he needed Castiel, no matter how much he wanted to deny it.

_"Dean... I cannot protect you if you keep pushing me away... I want to help you... We're family." These words came from lips he'd wanted to kiss. Lips he'd wanted to submit to like a new religion that he'd gladly beg on his knees for, but he pushed that urge deep inside of him, locking it away. _

_ "Cas... You know that I can handle myself... I don't need you around acting like my mom. You're being no better than Sam. Fuck, I can't feel like that again. I worry about you... And that could get me killed." Dean breathed, words burning on his lips and tongue, causing him to hiss to himself. The pain in Castiel's face made him shudder. He looked like he was going to cry. _

_ "As you wish, Dean." He whispered, blue meeting green in an intense stare. Would that be the last time Dean would see those striking blue eyes? God, he hoped not. He needed to feel those eyes on him for as long as possible... Don't leave yet, just stare into my eyes until I have the courage to tell you..._

_ "Cas... I..." Dean's words refused to force themselves from his throat, it made him choke slightly, eyes burning. __I love you! Goddamn it!__ He wanted to scream it, to grip Castiel's shoulders and kiss him with the passion and heat of a thousand suns, but the words just couldn't come out._

_ "It's fine, Dean. I understand... I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable, or 'smothered'." He smiled slightly, sadly. "Goodbye, Dean. Maybe we'll meet again."_

_And Dean was alone._

Dean stared at bottom of his drink glass and ordered another, sipping this one slowly. _Cas... _It was the only thing he could think about. Just him in general... the way he looked and smelled... How he tasted... Like a hard liquor, but a sweet honey at the same time, a taste that made him drunk on contact. He wanted to feel those lips pressed to his in a needy manner like that one night so many months ago. He slowly closed his eyes, mind drifting to that night. Two bodies tangled in a sweaty and needy fit of passion under cheap motel sheets. Blunt nails digging into soft flesh of someone's back. The moon illuminated their faces, intense green meeting an intense blue, each body moving against the other. The push and slow pull. He felt Castiel's knees brush his bicep, soft moans and grunts coming from those plush lips... His adam's apple bobbing with each thick swallow and shaky breath that emitted. _Dean... _

The whisper of his name was something he missed almost more than the touch of needy hands on flesh, the press of their burning hot bodies together... His breath on his shoulder... The shuddering as they reached a new high point... The look in those _eyes_. This man was so beautiful at that moment in time he could have wept... Fingers curled around crisp, white sheets. Toes curled in pure ecstasy, eyes wide open as he cried out one word:

_Dean._


	2. It's a little late for I love you, Dean

It's a little late for I love you, Dean.

Dean stood stiffly, stumbling into a few people as he made his way out into the cold night air, the bite making him shiver. He fumbled for his keys and unlocked the door to his Baby... His Impala. He slipped behind the wheel, shutting out the cold and resting his head against the steering wheel in front of him, fighting back tears that burned his eyes and threatened to spill over.

"Damn it." He breathed, voice rougher than usual. It'd been almost a year ago since that one goodbye... Why was it so hard for him to get over it now? It didn't make any sense to him that it was harder than the death of his own dad. Maybe it was the fact it felt like a piece of him was missing every second of every single day... Or the fact that every time he prayed to Castiel, there was no response, and he prayed more than once every single day hoping for a different outcome. Was Cas dead?

"Please don't be dead." He whispered, allowing tears to flow freely down his cheeks. He slammed his hands against the steering wheel and let out a choked sob. "FUCK!" He screamed, laying across the front seat and curling up into a tight ball, just crying... Most nights ended in such a way, if not all of them. It was pitiful that Dean Winchester spent the better part of every day drowning in alcohol to soothe the ache of a lost friend.

_I love you, Cas... Please._

That was when he heard a familiar shuffle of feathers, the move of upholstery under slacks... And that _voice_.

"Dean... It is a little late for 'I love you'," Castiel murmured from the back seat. Dean shot upright, his heart now beating faster and harder than he thought was humanly possible without having a heart attack.

"C-Cas!" He cried out, fighting the urge not to launch himself at the angel. Castiel tilted his head some to look at Dean, one side of his face visible in the dim moon light at that angle. He looked a lot better than Dean did, that was for sure. He still had that same face and those stunning blue eyes. He hadn't changed in the slightest unlike Dean with his slightly sunken cheeks, deep, almost purple bags under his eyes, and severe drinking problem. His hopes didn't stay elevated for very long. Castiel didn't speak, he just stared at Dean. His heart sank and he swallowed thickly.

"Cas, I'm so sorry..." He whispered, voice rough with the threat of another sob rising in his throat. "I should have said something to you before I said goodbye... I should have said something but I chickened out because I don't say that. You know I don't..."

"You just seem desperate for some form of attention Dean... Ever since Sam died, you've had no one... I can tell that because I've been watching you. I told you to take care of yourself, and instead you destroy your body? This isn't what I wanted for you..."

"What did you want then?" He sniffled.

"I wanted you to be happy and forget about me... Didn't Sam tell you to go to Lisa? He wanted you to be out of this life, to live one that is more normal than angels and demons,"

"I don't want to be normal, Cas, I want to be with you," he pleaded.

"No, you don't want to be with me..."

"Yes, I do...!"

"Prove it," Castiel said finally, eyes narrowed.

Dean stiffened some again, looking at him wide eyed. The way the moon lit Castiel's face made his pants a bit tight in the front, the blush on his cheeks receding so blood could rush elsewhere. He swallowed thickly, looking at him with a slightly darkened expression. He wanted to ask how, but he knew exactly what Castiel meant...

The first time he and Dean had intercourse, Dean was hammered that he could barely walk straight. Castiel had tricked himself into believing that it was a one time thing and Dean didn't really mean it at all, just like he didn't believe that Dean meant what he said now... He just couldn't get his hopes up like that again, the thought of that scared him so much he almost wanted to vomit.

"Before you ask that question, get back here and find out." He whispered, his voice much lower and sultry than before and it got Dean completely riled up. He pushed down the urge to climb into the back seat and turned over the engine before he drove them to a bit more secluded back road. After that he tossed the keys into the glove box and slipped out of the car to where Castiel waited. He was pretty damn eager to make up for lost time with his angel. _His _angel. His hands were shaking at the thought of how hot and fogged the Impala's windows would be if Cas was serious about him proving that he loved him.


End file.
